24.Why Asking for Help in Midlife Isn’t a Weakness

Let’s talk about something a lot of strong, capable women quietly struggle with… asking for help.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent a good portion of your life being the one who figures things out. The one who handles it. The one everyone can rely on.

And if we’re being honest… there’s a little dopamine hit that comes with being the woman who can do it all.

But over time that “I’ve got it” energy can slowly turn into something else… burnout.

The kind where life still looks good on the outside, but inside you’re tired, overwhelmed, and carrying way more than you were ever meant to carry alone.

If you’ve been feeling stretched thin, overwhelmed by responsibilities, or stuck in a cycle of doing everything yourself, this conversation will help you rethink what strength really looks like—and how asking for help can actually lead to a more peaceful and sustainable life.

In this episode, Diana Guintu explores why so many high-achieving women in midlife struggle with asking for help and the deeper beliefs that often drive that pattern. 

You’ll walk away with:

• Practical ways to delegate, rest more, and share the mental load
• A mindset shift around strength, vulnerability, and receiving support
• Encouragement to start creating a life rooted in peace, boundaries, and intentional self-care

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is ask for help,

🔥 Ready to go all in and stop playing small? Apply now for my 1:1 Mentorship—personalized support for women who are serious about creating real transformation. Limited spots available.

https://dianaguintuspeaks.com/coaching

✨ Want to stop doubting yourself and finally silence your imposter? Grab my free guide 5 Secrets to Overcome Imposter Syndrome right here! https://dianaguintuspeaks.myflodesk.com/silenceyourimposter

💕Come hang out with me on Instagram—I share daily encouragement, behind-the-scenes, and real-talk for midlife women just like you.https://www.instagram.com/dianag_speaks

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Are you someone who gets a little dopamine hit when you accomplish something? And listen, I'm not just talking about finishing one thing. I'm talking about the special kind of dopamine rush that you get when you accomplish all the things at the same time. Because if you're anything like me, you know there's something a little addictive about being the woman who can outrun everyone around her. The one who can do it all, the one who can juggle everything, you know, superwoman style. And I almost hate to admit this, but dang, it felt good. Burning the midnight oil, being the reliable, being the strong one, being the one who always had it in. Welcome back to her next chapter, a podcast for women in midlife who are ready to reclaim their voice, rewrite their story, and step into the next chapter of their lives with clarity, courage, and confidence. I'm your host, Diana Gintou, coach, speaker, and someone who's deeply passionate about helping women like you move from burnout and survival mode to intentional living. And around here, Fran, we have honest conversations about the things women are really navigating in midlife: identity shifts, emotional resilience, healing from old patterns that no longer serve us, and creating a life that actually feels good. It feels good to live. So today we're talking about something that a lot of high-achieving women struggle with. Why asking for help in midlife feels so hard, and why it's absolutely not a weakness. You know what I didn't realize back when I was burning the midnet oil? There were a few really important things. First, it wasn't sustainable, right? I just couldn't keep that up forever. I didn't know that then, but I do know that now. Second, I started developing resentment for those around me. Like, why can't they keep up? Why weren't they doing the same things I was? And that didn't go well for some of my relationships. And third, I was slowly trading my peace for that sense of accomplishment. Because the truth was, asking for help, well, that definitely was not in my vocabulary. Instead, I actually spent years saying things like, Yep, I can do it. Sure, I'll take care of it. Yep, got it. Meanwhile, my to-do list was a mile long. And I was spending precious energy, time, peace trying to prove that I could do it all at the expense of myself, at the expense of my peace and joy. And if I'm really being honest, friends, at the expense of my family. And listen, for me, there was another layer to this as well. As the daughter of Mexican immigrant parents, I felt like I had to prove something. Now, if you would have said that to me in my 20s, I would have said, no way, that is not what I'm trying to do. But looking back, that was definitely what I was trying to do. I wanted to show that I could succeed, that I could build something, that I could make my parents proud. And when I did accomplish things, friend, it felt so good. So the thought that I might need help, well, in my mind, it meant only one thing. It meant that I was weak, that I was not good enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't capable enough. So instead of asking for help, I just learned to suck it up and push through. And here's the interesting thing. Um, this is something I see with women all the time in a lot of my coaching sessions. And these are sessions with high-achieving women, smart women, successful women, women that are very, very capable. When it comes to receiving help or support, they struggle. They struggle like I did. And it usually has nothing to do with competence, like that they can't do it. Um, in my opinion, it has everything to do with what's happening beneath the surface. Because the real reason many of you struggle to ask for help lives in those covert places in our psyche. The beliefs we formed when we were younger, the messages we received about being strong, the fear of being seen as needy or weak. This is exactly why in my empowerment formula, we spend time on things like honoring your pain, identifying, learning your triggers, and really getting to know what is underneath this, these behaviors. We do inner child work where we are able to do some healing and identifying what needs to be released. What do we need to acknowledge and release? We also go into parent wound healing because so many of us are carrying around emotional baggage that doesn't serve us because the patterns that keep us stuck are rarely obvious. They are buried in the beliefs that we carry sometimes for decades. So I want to ask you something. Raise your hand if your to-do list is miles long. I see your hands. Most of the things on that list are there because you think you can do it better. I should just handle it. It's faster if I do it. Yeah, I thought so. But what if in this next season, what if we changed the narrative? What if in this chapter of your life, what if it wasn't about proving your worth, but about creating a life that is rooted, sustainable, and peaceful. Because constantly chasing proof that you're good enough eventually leads to something many women experience in midlife: the quiet burnout. That place where life still looks good on the outside, but internally you feel tired, overwhelmed, disconnected from joy. And I don't know about you, friend, but in this next chapter, I want something different. I want to be intentional about how I live, who I am, what I prioritize in the life that I'm building. So if you're anything like me, and like many of my clients, high-achieving women who are ready to take the wheel again, here are five things that I'm intentionally doing in this season to change my relationship with asking for help. The first one, rest more. Yes, friend, you heard me. Rest. I am making rest a priority. That's saying the same way I brush my teeth, and what that means is I am delegating more. Now, let me be clear. I am not delegating more so that I can do more things. I'm delegating more so that I can rest. That means looking at my to-do list and asking who else can share the mental load here? Maybe someone else needs to plan dinner. Maybe someone else can schedule the dentist appointments, maybe someone else strives. Because learning to sit back and surrender is a skill that we need to practice. And rest, real rest, well, that should come without guilt, friends. So, yes, that is what I am doing in this season. I am going to rest more, and I challenge you to do the same. The second thing I'm gonna do is I'm gonna say I don't know more often. If you are like me, you might be stuck in a pattern where you say a lot of I knows. And this is another shift I'm making. I'm gonna I'm gonna get more comfortable saying I don't know. Because maybe knowing all the answers isn't actually the goal. Maybe the goal is allowing other people to contribute their strengths. Just recently, I asked a friend of mine who happens to love researching medical procedures if she could help me look into something. Now, could I have done it myself? Absolutely, but she enjoys it and she's actually better at it than I am. So why not let someone else shine? Asking for help doesn't mean you're incapable, it just means you're being efficient. How's that for a reframe? The next thing I'm gonna do is I am paying for help. Now let's talk about something real here. There was a time in my 20s when I had to spend time doing it myself because financially I had to. I didn't have the flexibility to invest or pay someone. But midlife can be a different season, a season where you've earned a little bit more freedom, a little more time. And sometimes paying for help is actually an investment in your peace. It's not laziness, it's maturity. You're valuing your time, energy, and well-being. And if you have the flexibility to do so, why not pay for help? Stop doing everything. The fourth thing is, girl, stay in your lane. By this stage in life, I'm gonna assume that you probably know what you're good at. Your strengths, your expertise, things that come naturally to you. Stay in that lane, leverage your expertise and allow other people to handle theirs. Because real leadership isn't doing everything, it's knowing where you bring the most value. Focus on that, delegate the rest. Lastly, reframe your mindset. If the idea of asking for help brings up a lot of emotions for you, it might be time to ask yourself one simple question. Are my beliefs about asking for help actually helping? Because in this, because in this season, you get to choose, my friend. You get to be in the driver's seat, and you get to choose how you feel about things, what you believe, and what you're going to do. Friend, this next chapter of life is not about exhausting yourself trying to prove your work. It's about living the life you actually dream about, becoming the woman you respect and love, honoring your needs, and building a life that includes support, connection, and peace. So I'm going to leave you with this question. Where in your life do you need help right now? I'm not talking about six months from now. I'm not talking about when things get worse, but right now. Because, friend, today, I'm handing you a permissions look. You are allowed to ask for help. And you deserve support in this chapter of your life. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. And if this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who might need the reminder that she doesn't have to do everything alone. Until next time.